Rain's Writing Archive

Dinners and Dates (Can Be Really Stressful When You're In A Fake Relationship Or Two)

Originally posted to Ao3 on 1/27/2023.

A/N: if you want to see these three idiots (affectionate) start fake dating, then go check out the first work in this series. if you dont, this can be read standalone
the art at the end is by my beta @freaky-fan-official on tumblr! it was made while i was still writing, so it's not entirely accurate, but its still perfect and i love it

Step one of "Getting Your Oblivious Friends To Realize They Like Each Other" (by GoodTimesWithScar) is to not tell them outright. If you do that, then the moment of realization won't be as sweet.

No, instead, you have to lead them into it, slowly but surely.

And that's exactly what Scar is currently doing.

He's been fake dating both Grian and Mumbo for the past two weeks, with little to no progress in getting them together. It's frustrating. Infuriating, even. He's gotten the urge to tear his hair out more times than he can count.

But it'll all be worth it, in the end. Well, as long as there is an end to this madness. Scar's not sure if there is, at this point.

Nevertheless, he will get these two together if it's the last thing he does.

His newest plan involves setting up a nice, fancy dinner date.

Now, fancy dinners aren't exactly Scar's specialty. He's good at massive, breathtaking megabuilds, he's one of the best terraformers on the server, he can even manage redstone, on a good day. But dinners? Nah. Scar's diet is made mostly of golden carrots and baked potatoes; not something that would typically be served for a dinner date.

But if this is what it takes to get Mumbo and Grian together, then he'll do it.

Now, first things first, finding a location.

None of their bases are particularly suited for hosting dinners, so that's off the table. He needs to find somewhere scenic, somewhere romantic, somewhere that will take their breath away.

Scar summons his vex wings and takes to the skies.

It takes a while, flying all around Boatem before deciding that Boatem doesn't quite have the vibes he's looking for.

He flies past Cub's biome and Xisuma's base, past Big-Eyed Cove and over the swamp.

He's starting to think he'll need to settle for something lesser than what he had hoped for, when it finally happens.

After flying for Void knows how long, Scar finds a spot. The perfect spot.

It's a remote clearing in the northern dark oak forest, somewhere to the south of Gem and False's bases. There are roses, lilacs, poppies, lilies, all sorts of flowers scattered across the clearing, soaking up the sun and hiding amongst the tall, wild grass.

Scar could imagine it now, a gazebo of spruce wood to contrast the dark oak in the surroundings, a round table piled with food of all kinds (vegetarian and chocolate free, just for Mumbo and Grian), with candles and lanterns being the main source of light.

It would be perfect, he'd make it perfect.

Scar just has to get to building.

He jots down the area's coords and flies back to his base for building materials. He digs through his chest monster, which is quickly growing out of hand, and retrieves some spruce and dark oak wood, a few candles, and some lanterns, and piles it all into an empty shulker box. He stashes it in his inventory and takes off, making a beeline for the clearing.

He has the design in his mind's eye while he's building the gazebo, and he frequently has to tweak things when they don't quite look the way he wants them to, but such is the nature of building.

By the time he's happy with the design and has put on the last finishing touches, night had fallen, and mobs kept attacking him. He'd had to call it a night. He's lucky that no creepers had shown up.

He'd finished the build, and it looks absolutely amazin' if he did say so himself.

Next, he needs food, but that can wait for tomorrow.

He's still excited when he gets tucked into bed with Jellie. It takes a while, but he eventually falls asleep.

It isn't the best sleep he's ever had – he's too excited for tomorrow – but he knows he needs to sleep or else he'd be severely regretting it tomorrow. So, he does.

And when he wakes up the next morning, Scar practically leaps out of bed. Scratch that, he does leap out of bed, summoning his wings to stick the landing before putting them away again. He grabs his cane from beside the bed, leaning on it as he checks the time on his comm. It's 11:47, later than he'd wanted, but still enough time. He still has to make all the food he has planned for dinner tonight.

So, plan in mind, he heads down the ladder to the lower floor of the Swaggon's main cart.

The kitchen in the Swaggon is small, just a small countertop, a cauldron, a couple furnaces, and an iced chest to keep the food from spoiling. It didn't really see much use after Scar got his hands on a reliable source of golden carrots, and with the layer of dust covering everything, it shows.

So, before he even considers doing any cooking, Scar wets down a rag and cleans off the dust. It'd just be gross to cook while the kitchen's dirty.

Cleaning the dust off doesn't take very long, but cleaning out the furnaces when he finds evidence of something living inside one of them takes an additional hour.

Scar really can't catch a break, can he?

And even after that whole ordeal, he still has to make all the food for the dinner in – Scar checks his comm – five hours.

Maybe it's just how much Scar's been through in the last week (Mumbo and Grian are both annoyingly good at being blind to each other's feelings), but this almost feels like more trouble than it's worth.

Almost.

Scar still loves both of them, and would do anything to see them happy. And "everything" does include all of this.

So, what can he cook that will be suitably romantic and fits both of their dietary restrictions?

Anything with meat is off the table, with Mumbo's vegetarianism, and there can't be anything parrots can't eat because it'd make Grian sick. That really doesn't leave many options.

Spaghetti could work, if there wasn't any meat in the sauce, but he'd have to make the noodles by hand… As much as he loves Grian and Mumbo, he's not sure he had good enough fine motor skills to make a reasonable amount of noodles for three people. So that's a no-go.

Scar wracked his brain for anything all three of them could eat. Bread, carrots, apples, beetroots, melon, and pumpkin are all safe, he thinks. But what kind of meal can he make out of all that? Beetroot soup with a side of carrots?

…Actually, beetroot soup wasn't a horrible idea. All three could eat it, and it was a "main course" kind of food, no one hated the flavor or texture…

It could work.

Cooked carrots weren't a bad side dish either. Bread rolls wouldn't be all that difficult. Pumpkin pie is a good desert. He could even make steak for Grian and baked potatoes for Mumbo, as long as he made sure not to cross-contaminate…

Plan in mind, Scar gets to cooking.

After several straight hours in the kitchen, all the food is finally done. And just in time, too, dinnertime is nearing rapidly. Scar tucks the food into his inventory and flies back to the clearing.

The flight seems to last forever. Scar watches as the sun grows closer and closer to the horizon, but he gets there before it truly begins to set. He sets the food out meticulously on the table in his gazebo, making absolutely sure nothing is out of place before taking a step back and admiring his work.

It looks amazin' if Scar has anything to say about it.

Though, it is a little dark…

He nabs a shulker from his inventory and grabs some spare torches from it. Not the prettiest - or safest, for that matter – but they'd keep the area lit. He places them on the trunks of some surrounding trees and prays to the Void they don't light the forest on fire.

Scar sends his coords to Mumbo and Grian individually, and then sits down to wait.

Mumbo is inside his base, tinkering away at one of his machines that just refuses to cooperate, when he gets a message. It's a private message from Scar.

Mumbo ignores his heart beating wildly behind his ribs.

<GoodTimeWithScar> 508, 70, 381

Mumbo stares at the message with concern. Are those coordinates? Why would Scar be sending coords?

Maybe he's in trouble? Mumbo's heart speeds up more at the thought.

He decides to wait a few minutes to see if any other messages were forthcoming, whether a private message from Scar or a death message saying he was blown up by a creeper or something.

No other messages show up in chat, so Mumbo switches to his own coordinates, and starts heading for Scar.

Grian's in the middle of restocking the G-Train when he gets Scar's message. It's just a set of coords, and that could mean anything when it comes to Scar, but Grian is ready to drop everything on a whim for that man.

And that's exactly what he does.

Grian stuffs the deepslate he was putting in his chests back into his inventory, spreads his wings and launches into the sky. He's fairly certain what direction Scar is in, but he'll probably have to check when he gets closer.

For now, he equips a sword and shield, just in case there's a fight.

He'll protect Scar until his dying breath (and then some), if he has to.

Scar isn't expecting anyone to show up for a while, and that makes Grian's divebomb from the forest's canopy all the more surprising.

He lands roughly, and Scar sees his windswept hair, ruffled sweater, and the way his wings are fluffed like they get whenever he's expecting a fight – trying to make himself appear bigger. There's a sword and shield in his hands. Why he thought he would need those, Scar doesn't know.

He's also gasping for air, like he flew here the second he got Scar's message.

That would explain how he got there so quick…

"Grian!" Scar says happily. He doesn't miss the way Grian flinches and spins to face him. "I wasn't expecting you so soon!"

Grian stares at him, still panting slightly, eyes roaming, searching for… something. He either finds what he's looking for, or doesn't find anything, as he huffs a sigh and relaxes. The sword and shield disappear into his inventory.

"Well, I thought you were in danger or something," Grian says, sounding exasperated, "I flew here as fast as I could."

For the first time since he got here, Grian seems to take a look around. He blinks a few times, rubs his knuckles over his eyelids, then takes another look.

"Scar…? What is all this…?"

"It's the venue for our dinner, of course! But, even if you're here, we can't start without our last guest… hm…" Scar trails off.

Grian stills.

"Last guest?"

"Hm? Oh, Mumbo should be here, too! I'm pretty sure I sent him the coords as well-"

Speak of the devil, Mumbo stumbles out of the treeline and into the clearing.

"-And there he is!" Scar claps once. "Now we can get started!"

Scar chooses to ignore the looks both his fake-boyfriends throw him.

When Mumbo stumbled into the clearing Scar had sent him the coordinates to, finding a candlelit dinner, put-together Scar, and a dishevelled-looking Grian wasn't something he'd planned for. But that's fine, he can roll with the punches.

What he can not roll with is how romantic this whole thing is!

Seriously, a candlelit dinner? In a remote area of a dark oak forest filled with flowers and soft lighting? Mumbo was either going to get lucky or he was going to get murdered .

Well, in any event, Scar was herding Grian and himself toward the table, and the food that was set out there did smell delightful…

Resigning himself to his fate – whatever it may be – Mumbo allows Scar to direct him to the seat closest to the baked potatoes. Grian is sat to his right, conveniently close to the plate of steak. Scar takes the remaining chair.

No one moves to take any food.

"Well gentlemen," Scar breaks the silence, "don't let all this food go to waste! Dig in!"

Scar grabs a bowl and fills it with, Mumbo assumes, beetroot soup.

Grian follows his lead, piling his plate with steak and bread rolls and wasting no time shoving a roll in his mouth.

"Jeez, Grian, did you forget to eat again? You're eating like a starved man," Mumbo jokes, serving himself baked potatoes and steamed carrots. Grian, thankfully, swallows him mouthful of food before he answers.

"Ah, maybe- but in my defence, I was mining deepslate. Hunger wasn't really on my mind." Grian then grabs a steak and rips a chunk out of it with nothing but his teeth, as though it's the normal way to eat steak.

Though, to be fair, Mumbo hasn't really seen him eat steak any other way.

"You need to get better about that."

"I know, I know."

Mumbo shifts his attention to Scar, who's been oddly quiet the whole time.

He has a dopey-looking grin on his face, watching him and Grian. His cheeks look slightly red. Maybe he's catching a cold?

"You okay there, Scar?" Mumbo asks. Scar seems to snap out of it, grin turning closer to his normal smile than it had been before. The colour stays in his cheeks.

"Oh, yeah, I'm alright!" He says, gesturing placatingly, "You guys are just really cute."

Mumbo's face heats up rapidly. He's 100% sure he's red as the beetroot soup.

"I- wha- I'm not cute!" Grian splutters. His face is red too.

"You are, though!" Scar insists, "Cute like a little baby bird." Grian's face is completely flushed. In embarrassment or anger, Mumbo doesn't know.

"No-! Oh, whatever…" Grian rips off another bite of steak, but the slight quirk of his lips betrays that he's not really angry.

Scar and Mumbo share a laugh at Grian's angry bird act and return to their food.

They must spend hours there, talking and eating and laughing, but it feels like no time at all. Eventually, all the food's been eaten and the moon is high in the sky. The groans of zombies and hisses of creepers seem far away, but all three know they shouldn't stay out too late, regardless.

It's 12:28 AM when Scar mentions the time, and that they should all head home. Mumbo agrees, and Grian is eventually convinced as well.

Scar gathers the dishes, puts them in his inventory, and blows out the candles that are still on the table.

"You guys want to race back to Boatem?" Scar challenges, his wings shimmering into existence on his back.

Mumbo would never get over how cool that is.

"One two three go!" Grian shouts, launching into the air at, frankly, insane speeds.

"Hey! No fair!" Scar laughs as he takes off after him. 

"Wait for me!" Mumbo scrambles to equip his elytra and wastes several rockets catching up.

Grian, naturally, makes it back to Boatem first, landing next to the Boatem hole. He's gasping for air, and laughing giddily. Mumbo lands just in time to watch Scar shove him into the Boatem hole.  They are rewarded by one of the shrillest screeches he's ever heard from the avian.

"Scar!" Grian shouts in mock outrage as he flies back up.

"Oh, did I forget to mention that the winner gets to be sacrificed to the Boatem hole? Oops, silly me!"

Maybe it's just how late it is, but no one even tries to stop the fit of giggles that overtakes the three of them.

That is, until they're interrupted by Pearl.

"What are you sillies doing up? Go to bed." She says, stepping out of the nether portal.

"Oh, alright ," Scar says, "G'night Mumbo, night Grian!" He wraps one arm around Mumbo's shoulders and one arm around Grian's, which results in Mumbo being forcibly bent down and Grian pulled onto his tip toes. They must be quite the sight.

Grian returns the hug immediately, and after a moment's hesitation, Mumbo wraps his arms around Scar and Grian as well.

Grian's wings wrap around them all, feathery and warm. Mumbo can feel Scar and Grian's heartbeats where they're pressed together. He feels safe. He feels loved . 

The hug doesn't last long enough, in Mumbo's humble opinion.

They all bid each other goodnight and head back to their own bases.

Mumbo feels warmer and lighter than he has in weeks.

Scar painstakingly pulls himself up the ladder to his bedroom, joints aching and muscles protesting his every movement. It's possible that he'd overdone it with all the building and cooking and flying around.

He might have to stay in bed for a little while to recover.

Hopefully it'd only be a day or two; he doesn't want to worry anyone.

Scar carefully climbs into bed, trying and failing to reduce the pain under every inch of his skin.

 Jellie hops up after him and curls into his side. She immediately starts purring, as though she understands that he's in pain and doesn't know how else to help.

Scar runs a hand through her fur, ignoring the ache it causes.

A/N: i eat every comment i get btw. they sustain me
im on tumblr at @dead-man-in-a-ditch if you want updates/general nonsense

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