Rain's Writing Archive

Fake It Til You Make It (Might Not Be The Best Plan When It Comes To Dating)

Originally posted to Ao3 on 12/18/2022.

A/N: this series will be getting at least two other works! and the story has more places to go after that, but idk how far ill end up going. this can be read standalone

edit 12/22/22: fixing tense errors

The plan is simple.

Mumbo just needs to ask Scar to fake date him for a month or so, hopefully catch Grian's attention, and then fake break up with his friend and "end things" on good terms, and start dating Grian for real! And then they'll all still be friends and they'll live happily ever after!

Okay, well, maybe it won't go exactly like that, but close enough, right?

Right.

It'll be easy, just gotta meet up with Scar, explain his plan, and hope he'll be on board.

<MumboJumbo> Scar?

<MumboJumbo> Could I talk to you for a second?

<GoodTimeWithScar> Of course! What's up?

<MumboJumbo> In person? We could meet up at your base?

<GoodTimeWithScar> Ooh! Yup, I'll be here!

With that confirmation, Mumbo takes off towards the Swaggon.

It only takes about a minute to get to Scar's starter-base-turned-megabase. He shoots through the sky on elytra wings and just admires the land from a bird's eye view for a moment. The ground is dozens of metres away, completely terraformed with Scar's two hands. It's genuinely incredible what that man manages to do.

And that's not even including the wagons. There are four main wagons all connected together, alongside various standalone buildings off to the sides. Each and every building is full of life and Scar-branded charm.

Scar's building prowess took his breath away on the best of days.

Landing with a thump in the main cart of the Swaggon, Mumbo begins to search for his friend.

"Scar!" He calls, "I'm here!"

There are several crashes and thumps from upstairs, and he's pretty sure that was Jellie that just yowled.

"Be right down!" Then, quieter, "Jellie, c'mon."

Scar climbs down the ladder moments later, Jellie tucked in one arm. He's wearing his leg braces, Mumbo notices, the copper gears whirring and clicking with his movements. Must be a bad pain day.

He doesn't even skip the last few rungs of the ladder like he usually does, instead gently touching down on the deepslate floor before releasing Jellie to greet their guest.

The cat wastes no time in butting her head against Mumbo's leg, making a right nuisance of herself by flitting around his ankles and meowing to be picked up. The moustached man gives in to her complaints quickly, scooping her off the floor and tucking her against his chest. Jellie nuzzles into him and closes her eyes, content. A purr begins to rumble in her chest.

Mumbo returns his gaze to Scar. The other man is staring unabashedly, with what Mumbo could only describe as pure affection in his eyes. Scar must really love Jellie. Which is fair, Mumbo thinks, because he also loves Jellie, and so does everyone else on the server.

"So," Mumbo begins, "I came here to talk to you about something…" Scar seems to shake himself back into awareness.

"Oh, right! So, what'd you wanna talk about?"

Mumbo feels his heart leap into his throat. A sudden feeling of apprehension closes in, gripping his mind like a vice. What if Scar says no? His stomach is in knots. What if he thinks it's a stupid plan? There's a pounding in his head. What if he tells Grian ? His knees are weak. Distantly, he hopes he doesn't fall over. Why did Mumbo never come up with a backup plan?! This was going to be a disaster, a total disaster-!

"Mumbo!"

He's pulled out of his frenzied spiral by hands comfortingly gripping his shoulders, Scar's face coming back into focus. He's closer than he was before. When did that happen?

Jellie's eyes are open again, and she's staring at him. She's purring louder than she was before, like she's trying to comfort him, too. He runs a hand through her fur. Content, she lies her head back down. The purrs don't stop.

Mumbo looks back up. His gaze locks with Scar's.

"You alright there, buddy? You zoned out, looked like you were panicking," Scar says, worry clear in his voice.

"I- uh…" His tongue is lead in his mouth. "I-I'm fine. Thoughts just got… uh, got a little away from me there." He tries a laugh. It comes out painfully forced.

Scar's eyebrows furrow, more than they had been before.

"Let's go up to the Good Vibes room, calm down a bit, okay?" Mumbo nods wordlessly. He follows Scar up the ladder into his bedroom, Jellie still held gently in one arm.

They pass the bed, instead heading for the couch and jukebox tucked into a cosy little nook on the far end of the room.

"Alright, now you are going to sit down and relax, mister," Scar tells him. He herds Mumbo toward the couch and pushes him down on it when he gets close enough. Jellie startles from the semi-rough landing. She hops out of Mumbo's arms, but before he can mourn the loss of the cat, she flops down on the couch next to him, still purring loudly.

Scar smiles warmly at them. He pulls a music disc from his inventory. The ring of colour on the disc is black, so it might be Stal?

Scar puts the disc in the jukebox. They're then met with the sound of haggard breathing and running footsteps for a few seconds before it's abruptly stopped by Scar yanking it out.

It's silent for a moment.

"Heh. That was the, uh- wrong disc…"

Scar quickly switches out the slightly worn 11 disc for a less worn, but similarly coloured disc. Instead of the creepy sounds of the last disc, it's the smooth, jazzy sounds of Stal.

Scar drops down on the couch next to Mumbo, letting out a relaxed sigh.

"So!" Scar chirps happily, "You wanna try asking me whatever it was that you wanted to ask again?"

Mumbo runs a hand through Jellie's fur, the cat letting out a little 'mrmp' as he does so.

He takes a deep breath, and begins to speak.

"I- well, um… how do I put this?" Scar is listening intently, based on the look on his face. Mumbo's face heats up in embarrassment. "I wanted to know if you could possibly pretendtodatemetomakeGrianjealous?"

Scar blinks uncomprehendingly at him.

"You want me to fake date you… to make Grian jealous?" He asks, somewhat incredulous.

Mumbo sputters, "I-! Well, yes- but now that you say it, it is pretty silly, right?" Mumbo laughs, awkward and stilted, "Nevermind, actually, it was dumb anyway- I'm such a spoon- I'll get out of your hair now, sorry for my- well, everything-" He makes to get up, but a hand grabs his shoulder. Mumbo turns his head to see Scar holding him tightly, not allowing him to get up.

"Wait, don't go!"

"I-"

"It's not a dumb idea! I think it's really cute!"

Mumbo looks into Scar's eyes, searching for any sign of deception, but he finds nothing but sincerity shining in his eyes. Mumbo lets himself settle back into the couch. Scar's hand doesn't leave his shoulder. Instead, it goes from keeping him in place to a comforting weight keeping him grounded.

"If you want me to, I'll fake date you."

"Really? Just like that?" Mumbo asks.

"Just like that!" Scar grins at him.

"Wow… That went better than I expected," Mumbo comments, face heating up in embarrassment. Scar laughs, and the hand that had been resting on his shoulder slides down to his hand, and Scar laces their fingers together.

Mumbo is sure he's redder than a tomato.

Scar opens his mouth to say something when his comm dings. He pulls it from his pocket and turns it on, screen angled so Mumbo can't see anything but the glare from the lights.

"Looks like Grian wants to talk with me now," Scar says offhandedly. Mumbo ignores the way his heart rate picks up. "I wonder what he wants."

"Oh, well I shouldn't keep you then," Mumbo says, finally standing from the couch. Scar follows, never releasing his hand.

"Nonsense! Do you want me to walk you to your base?"

"That won't be necessary-"

"Mumbo, I insist ."

So Mumbo gets a personal Scar-escort back to his base, hands interlocked and swinging between them as they walk.  And once Mumbo is safely back to the enormous redstone door that opens up to his part of the gigabase, Scar turns to look at him.

"And there you are, how would you rate your Swaggon Taxi™ experience?" Scar asks, customer service voice in full swing. Mumbo laughs.

"Pretty good, I made it across town in one piece, so I'd give it a full ten out of ten."

Scar lets out a victorious little yes that leaves Mumbo chuckling. Scar gives his hand one last squeeze before letting go. His wings sprout from his back, and he takes off towards Grian's starter base.

Mumbo fights to ignore the heat that has risen in his cheeks.

Grian has a plan.

He's been crushing on Mumbo since before he had even been invited to Hermitcraft, and he is tired of this same song and dance every season. He's going to make Mumbo notice him, or die trying.

And Grian's 94% sure he's immortal anyway, so that means there's only one other option.

Grian needs someone to fake date. If he's going to catch Mumbo's notice, it needs to be big. Dating someone is big , especially since he'd shown no romantic interest in anyone - Mumbo aside - since he was in high school.

Now, who to get in on his plot?

It needs to be someone on the server, obviously, and someone near his own age. And they can't be in an actual relationship already; he doesn't want to cause problems (that's a lie, he does want to cause problems, just not relationship ones). Ideally, they should live nearby enough to interact with often and be in view of Mumbo.

Cub is always busy with his biome… X isn't interested in anyone romantically, and Grian doesn't want to make them uncomfortable… Grian has sworn off interacting with Doc and Ren after the Goatem pole unless it's for pranking purposes… Scar-

Oh. Scar might work.

Grian grabs his comm and types a message.

<Grian> hey scar

<Grian> come to my starter base

<Grian> i need to talk with you

<GoodTimeWithScar> Believe it or not, you're the second one today!

<GoodTimeWithScar> I'll be there in a bit!

It takes almost twenty minutes for Scar to show up, during which Grian has enough time to tidy up his starter base, make tea for him and Scar, and still have time to spare.

Grian is just about to message Scar again when the man himself divebombs straight through his front door, wings clipping the doorframe ever so slightly.

"OH NO THIS WAS A BAD IDEA-!!" Scar has time to shout before he skids, facefirst, to a stop on Grian's hardwood floor.

"You alright, mate?"

Scar gives him a weak thumbs-up.

Grian laughs at the man's antics. He helps Scar to his feet and brings them over to Grian's dining table. He doesn't use the thing often, but it's nice to have.

They both pull up a chair where Grian had set out the tea. Scar drops himself into the chair with a heavy sigh. He grabs his teacup and takes a swig before Grian can warn him about it being hot. He expects Scar to shout about burning his tongue, but apparently he'd taken long enough getting here that the tea had cooled to a drinkable temperature.

Grian takes a sip from his own cup. Sure enough, it's just on the hotter side of lukewarm.

"Alright!" Scar says enthusiastically. He claps his hands together. "What'd ya call me here to ask, G?"

Right, Grian's request. He'd almost forgotten.

"Well, Scar, I know how much you love scams-" the avian begins, and is promptly interrupted by Scar.

"Business deals," Scar insists. Grian shakes his head fondly.

"...I know you love business deals , and I'm about to make you the deal of a lifetime!"

Scar perks up, looking interested. "I do love deals… So what is it?"

"Fake date me."

The house goes silent, aside from their breathing. Grian is staring determinedly at Scar's face, trying to judge his reaction. It looks like a mix of shock and humour - usually a good sign when it comes to getting Scar in on plots.

"Why? If you don't mind me asking?" Scar asks, leaning forward in interest.

"Weeell… I've had an eensy-weensy bit of a crush on Mumbo for… gosh, for years now, and I'm tired of him never noticing me! I figure if I date someone else, he'll finally see me," Grian explains, face flushing slightly at his admittance. And also at Scar's proximity; he's leaning in awfully close…

Grian mentally shakes himself. He can't be thinking about Scar like that. Even if he is pretty easy on the eyes… No! He already has a crush on Mumbo, it would be disloyal to think about Scar that way, even if he and Mumbo aren't dating.

Yet, he thinks privately.

Grian wants to kick his legs and giggle like a schoolgirl, but he shakes himself back to reality. Back to his conversation with Scar.

He still needs to get an answer, after all.

"So," Grian asks, putting his conspiratorial voice on, "Fake date me so I can get the guy?"

Scar laughs, bright and cheery.

"I'll fake date you, sure! What're friends for?"

Scar holds out a hand. Grian takes it in his own and gives a firm shake.

"And the deal is made!" Scar says, standing up. Grian stands as well. "This service costs three diamonds per day, by the way."

"Wha- Scar!"

Scar laughs again, and before Grian can react, he's bending down and planting a kiss on his cheek.

Grian's eyes widen as Scar bounds away and shoots off into the sky.

The avian brushes the spot with his fingertips, revelling in the tingly feeling the man's lips left behind.

Scar's trip back to his base is a victorious one.

Seriously, the two guys he's crushing on are also crushing on each other ! Scar has hit the jackpot! Like, seriously, what are the chances?

Now all he has to do is get his friends to notice each other's feelings. Scar knows he's one to talk about being oblivious, but these two had been friends since before Grian joined Hermitcraft and neither noticed the other had feelings for them?

Man , these guys are so darn oblivious.

But he just has to give them a nudge them in the right direction. He'll get them to notice eventually, even if it takes the end of the world.

And maybe Scar can even sneak his way into their hearts, as well.

Scar is a conman, after all. Being sneaky is his specialty.

A/N: tell me what you thought! i eat comments and kudos for breakfast. and if you want updates make sure to subscribe to/bookmark the series! the newest part will be a separate work!!
im on tumblr at @dead-man-in-a-ditch!

Part 1 of Fake It Til You Make It • Next Work →