Rain's Writing Archive

peter just wants mayonnaise, dont murder him

Originally posted to Ao3 on 2/21/2022.

A/N: this fic has been sitting finished in my google docs for almost a year now lmao

To put it frankly, Peter wasn’t entirely sure what was going on. One minute, he was in the kitchen on the common floor because the one on the penthouse floor was out of mayo, the next, he was waking up, tied to a folding chair with Captain America, Black Widow, and Wanda Maximoff in civilian clothes surrounding him.

Yeah, Peter had no clue what was going on.

“So, do you knock out teenagers and tie them to chairs often?” No one answered. Tough crowd.

“How did you get in here?” Black Widow leveled him with an intense glare, and Peter found himself edging back as far as he could while tied to a chair.

“The… elevator?” He told her, but it came out sounding like a question. Black Widow’s glare got more intense. Peter averted his gaze, instead choosing to look at the other two’s expressions.

Cap had that disappointed look on his face, so Peter looked away quickly and Maximoff looked wary, and her hands were glowing red and poised to attack. Unnerved, Peter refocused his attention on Black Widow.

“Alright son,” Cap started, and Peter looked up at him. Black Widow backed off a little bit so she wasn’t quite so in his face. “We don’t want to hurt you, so just tell us how you got up here so we don’t have to.” Peter’s eyebrows creased and he cocked his head to the side and gave his best ‘ are you kidding me? ’ look.

“I told you, I came down using the elevator,” Peter insisted. Black Widow’s eyes narrowed.

“Down?” She asked. Their gazes turned even more suspicious than before.

“I, uh… I don’t think I should’ve told you that.” Peter could feel his heart jackhammering in his chest. The watch Tony designed for him vibrated in the pattern that indicated a higher than normal pulse. He forced himself to take calming breaths. There was no need to worry Tony when he didn’t need to.

“What do you mean you ‘came down using the elevator’?” Maximoff demanded, hands glowing ever brighter.

“I plead the fifth,” Peter told her. Cap groaned in annoyance.

“That’s it, I’m calling Tony,” he declared. He pulled out his phone and tapped the screen a few times before beckoning the others to follow him to the other end of the room. The phone rang for a few seconds, then Tony picked up.

“What’s up, Spangles?” Peter heard Tony ask through the phone.

“There’s an intruder on our floor,” Cap said, not bothering with pleasantries.

“We’re not entirely sure how he got here, but he’s saying he came down using the elevator.” Black Widow added. There was a muffled curse on the other end of the line.

“I’ll be down in a sec.” The line went dead.

The Rogue Avengers returned their focus to Peter, who was squirming uncomfortably in the metal chair. The ropes they used to tie him up dug into his wrists and hurt like a bitch, but it’s not like he could break out of them with everyone staring at him anyway.

So, Peter resigned himself to his uncomfortable fate.

After what felt like hours, but was probably only a minute, the elevator dinged and Tony stepped out, grease stains on his shirt and pants and his hair disheveled.

“Alright, I’m here. So who’s this intruder you were talking about?” Peter peeked out from behind Cap and gave Tony an anxious smile. Tony’s eyes widened.

Tony marched right up to the Rogues and shoved Cap and Black Widow out of the way. They grunted in surprise and fixed him with befuddled stares. He continued past them only for Cap to grab his arm. Tony tried to rip it from his grasp, but he couldn’t fight off the super soldier, even though he wanted to.

“Tony, he could be dangerous,” Cap warned. Tony glared at him.

“Let go of me, Rogers. You don’t know shit.”

“No, Tony. This guy broke into one of the most secure buildings in the world. We don’t know how dangerous he can be, even if he’s tied up,” Cap said, “Don’t you trust me?”

Tony barked out a laugh, but it was humorless and bitter. 

“I’m not sure I can ever trust you again,” Tony said. Cap released his arm and Tony rubbed at the spot where Cap grabbed him. He went behind the chair and untied the ropes, allowing Peter out of the chair.

Cap fell into a defensive position, Black Widow pulled out a knife from somewhere , and Maximoff started floating off the ground a bit. All of them were poised to attack him, and Peter wasn’t entirely sure they wouldn’t spring into action without provocation.

Peter quickly skittered back and hid behind his mentor, rightfully wary of the three powerful people that looked like they could murder him in seconds. He peeked around Tony’s shoulder and found that none of them had dropped their stances. Tony, in what he probably thought was a subtle move, held his arms out to his sides to block any attacks aimed at Peter.

“Tony, what are you doing?” Cap asked him, eyes narrowed and expression cold.

“Why are you protecting the intruder, Stark?” Maximoff pressed. Tony made no move to answer, nor to stop defending Peter. The room went silent for a while. Black Widow was the first to move.

She slipped he knife back to wherever she had gotten it and her posture relaxed. Her entire demeanor had changed in a matter of seconds. Scary , Peter thought.

“So, how do you know the kid, Stark?” Cap and Maximoff gave her puzzled looks. Then, Cap relaxed too, and Maximoff set herself back on the ground and the red magic that had previously been ever-present dispersed. Tony hesitantly dropped his arms back to his sides.

“He’s my intern,” He told them, “And if he decides to quit because you three scared him, I’ll never forgive you.”

The three ex-rogue Avengers shared glances, and collectively backed off. Tony relaxed slightly  and slung an arm around Peter’s shoulders, guiding him away from the room’s other occupants. On their way to the elevator, Peter slipped away for a second to grab the mayo, then returned to Tony’s side just as fast.

They hopped in the elevator, and Tony told FRIDAY to bring them back up to the penthouse.

As the elevator doors Peter heard Cap ask how long Tony had had a son, and he saw Black Widow shrug in response.

Peter was, once again, left confused and without the slightest hint of what was going on.